Mind Manifestations

so..

2009-10-19T17:35:44Z

i've had this dream of living in an old barn in the countryside by the coast in california somewhere. i've had this dream for a while. come spring, i'm hoping to make this happen. the dream looks a lot like this:

oh oh oh

2009-10-06T01:46:21Z

forgot to mention -

my past three months have been awesome.
i squatted a stump and a shack in arcata.
swam naked in the mad river in kneeland.
picked chilies, huckleberries and strawberries and meditated with the sun, moon and stars.
hitched up and down the coast a couple of times.
fell in love all over again.
kissed somebody very sweet and new.
and now i'm getting ready to head back to portland for a week.
and then to san francisco.
might have another job for a month.
but if not - then dia de los muertos in los angeles bitches!
see you all soon.

well

2009-09-22T22:03:25Z

so i must be fucking up along the way somewhere, putting my paws on people that are not for me. these past two months i have spent off and on in arcata, off and on with a super nice boy that i had met.

last weekend i saw him we ended everything on such a high note, it was so universally lovely and enlightening. i went to go work on a farm, came back three days later and now he does not want to see me in that way anymore. at first he suggested we be friends, but then later he let me know that he would like nothing to do with me. at all. that he would like to close the door and be out of each others worlds completely.

i understand how my actions, assumptions and expections contributed to this decision, but i cannot help but feel sorrowful.

funny enough, i received a phone call just as this boy was walking away, waving goodbye.

i'm going back to the farm today, for several weeks. it's a chili farm an hour east of arcata in the middle of the hills. completely surrounded by woods and hiking access to the mad river which you can swim in. i guess i get to go there and think about what i have been focusing on, and what i should be focusing on next.

slept

2009-09-02T22:36:30Z

slept in the woods in arcata, met some nice folks.
went back to bellingham.
i'll be leaving again this weekend, heading south, again.

patterns, patterns, patterns that we repeat.

i didn't get to swim in the ocean. back to portland, and then back to california, here i come.

this winter is going to be a hot one.

so shit didn't work out

2009-07-12T21:39:11Z

and from southern california i went to portland to meet my lover, total disaster. he left me in portland and i followed him to bellingham, i cornered him and he told me to leave. why? because he's afraid i will leave him, he doesn't want to start it up with me again. i'm going back through portland and then to northern cal, just so i can swim in the ocean and hang out in the trees and sleep a good sleep and dream a good dream.

redwoods and ocean, here i come.

gnawa de safi!

2009-06-18T17:09:55Z

so

2009-05-19T16:55:33Z

bought a truck
sold some flowers
left bellingham
drove to portland
hydrogen fuel cell
created truck tent
partied with the best of them
backing my pack
and heading south
on foot

postcards from home

2009-03-20T20:39:39Z

art trade

2009-03-20T19:16:57Z

i've started an art trade with my friends. here are the first two pieces for the art trade:

the first one is ink & watercolor, the second is pen & colored pencil.
the next one will be done in acrylic, hooray for painting again!

foilage

2009-03-20T19:13:19Z

snow day

2009-03-04T23:03:39Z

it snowed here. i didn't want to leave the bed until it melted, but it didn't melt.

so i left the bed.

home for now

2008-10-07T21:13:44Z

today is a special day!

2008-08-15T23:22:28Z

today was my one year anniversary at work
i cut up a watermelon to give to everyone!

then i turned in my two weeks notice!

today was a very special day!

so

2008-08-14T22:04:52Z

how do you know if something is good or bad for you?

what a strange experience

2008-08-07T18:41:34Z

i met a beautiful egyptian boy while waiting for the bus today. in 5 minutes time we discussed consciousness, energy, vibrations, air, light, dark & the universe.

looking into his eyes opened my tongue up, i could speak & say anything - in just 5 minutes.

here are a few of my favorite things

2008-08-07T03:26:51Z

sick

2008-07-22T17:47:50Z

I'm a sucker for gruesome headlines. In the past few days I've read about the Bosnian-Serb rapes, murders & tortures; about the "missing" soldier who's husband stabbed her legs with a knife, raped & kidnapped her, about the little girl in mid-america who was raped & killed by her uncle, and about the 19-year old girl who got her 8 month old baby cut out of her while she was alive.

I don't know why I fill my mind with this smut. It's almost as if I'm trying to overdose on the gruesome tasks of humanity. In a way, it makes me feel more connected with the world & with humanity, I recognize that these things happen on a daily basis to anybody at anytime. Plus, the psychology behind these madmen is astounding - their brains are truly programmed differently from most people. Perhaps all of this is a product of modern society?

Did these things always happen, but before it was easier to hide & conceal it?

I don't know.

If everything goes accordingly, I'm moving to the country. There, I will fill my mind with apples & cherries & clouds & flowers & pretty bugs.

studio stay

2008-07-19T23:43:27Z

4 weary travellers passing through town - 2 to the coast, 2 to the farm - 4 weary packs, resting on the ground:

wow

2008-07-17T22:51:25Z

on august 1st, i will be debt-free.

yippee!

message for pi!

2008-07-12T00:05:50Z

PI!!

After a few months at the lime house, 1 year sitting on the farm, 6 more months of sitting at the lime house again - LUCY is now running! She just needed a battery changed, some thingies cleaned up, some pumps pumped, and now i guess some water run through it. Josh did it all himself. The mechanics were going to charge alot of money. But we're doing DIY with her, and she's running!

(We'll be taking a trip soon!)

YAY!

*update*

false alarm. she stalled out in front of the lime house. however, pi came up, spent the night in her. maybe lucy knew she was coming.

the speak/draw collab

2008-07-08T19:33:21Z

One week my friend Sean stopped by the studio pretty much everyday. We would hang out, and he would talk about whatever was going on with him. While he would talk, I would draw, simultaneously. Here are the results of the speak / draw sessions:

My pen style is definitely different for these, most likely influenced from his voice, speech patterns, or just his presence. I like the first one the best.

St. Johns No Fest

2008-06-23T20:51:20Z

So I found it pretty funny that the only 3 people I'm friends with in my neighborhood were the organizers behind the first annual St. Johns No Fest. From 10am - 10pm on Saturday, 24 improv, experimental & avant-garde musicians & spoken word artists performed in four locations in downtown St. Johns - my portland hood! I got there early & tried to take pictures of every act & performer, but after about 8 hours on my feet running back & forth between venues, I was spent. Here are the highlights of the photos that I got:

Andy aka "somebody" in Legong performing a "30 minute meditational piece". Andy is also the local town framer.

Doug Haning & his friends in Proper Eats.

This was "Stepmother's" first show. He did really good, I got it on film. He also filled up the Gelato Shoppe.

Jeffrey aka "Scoops" in his band Exit Collapse.

This dude set up a circuit bending table.

These dudes set up a t-shirt table. I got some video footage of one of the guys flipping through & narrating their zines. Pretty good.

It was fun. I'm kinda bummed I pooped out at the end, but I did get some good photos & videos while I was there. I'm also bummed I missed the guy from Faust at the Gelato Shoppe. There's always next year.

hmm

2008-06-18T18:04:03Z

it's not very well known, but i read the news like a fanatic. i know alot of the media is government funded, and is produced in a way in which to create a reaction in the masses who read it. however, oftentimes if you read between the lines of what the media is telling you, and through many different sources, you can start piecing together who is in charge of what & what is actually happening.

i've been keeping up with mugabe's rigged elections & political harrassment in zimbabwe, the south american indian farmers war against the government owned land for deforestation, the starvation & food shortages occurring in haiti, egpyt, india & asia, the U.S. release of tortured foreigners from "terrorist" prisons, Europe's current production & installation of public surveillance systems, Obama's "presidential election campaign", and the supposed claim that this country is running out of oil & heading into a recession.

all of these news stories are revealing that globally, the international governments are oppressing humanity as a whole in any & all ways imaginable. relatively, we have it pretty good in this country - except for the paying for health services, overly medicated, obese, psychologically disturbed, overworked, prison-business & emotional desensitizing thing. the ideal lifestyles for each country differ, based upon what each government is trying to sell to it's citizens. as a whole, we really are a cog in a big business wheel that is making the men in suits a hell of a lot richer over time. in this country, they want us to work over 40 hours a week, earn more money, buy more things, drive more cars & be the good obedient consumers that we are. no conflicts, no questions, no problems.

as time goes on I foresee a need for me to separate myself from this mindframe more & more. as time goes on I foresee a need for me to do more to help humanity, the world & it's inhabitants than i am doing now. i guess it leaves me wondering - when will more & more people wake up from their drug induced haze & realize that globally - there are others out there who need help from the constant injustices that are happening to them every minute, and as each day goes on, we who are unwilling to empower ourselves will continue to turn the other cheek, do nothing, and allow the other inhabitants of this world to continue to have these injustices performed on them?

what happens, if the tables were turned, and it is us - who are having the rapes, tortures & mutilations happening & the rest of the world would do nothing, but enjoy their coffees & teas & laugh as they drive their cars?

scenes from the past month

2008-06-17T00:45:21Z

well

2008-06-12T16:40:06Z

i have not disappeared although i have lost my camera cable & must get a new one. so many pictures to post! the show went well, everyone who was there was meant to be there. pi came to town! so nice to see her & seed.

the propmaster & i are going to do facials tonight. funny how he knows more about a facial than i do. we're getting along really well, solidifying the bond that was sparked in january. it just took about 5 months for us to trust each other. we're ready to move onto the next step, helping each other to achieve our dreams. we want to start making furniture.

life is going pretty well.

happy birthday noir deuil.